We Tried Gwyneth's New Beauty Line, and We're Kissing and Telling

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First, let's discuss what didn't happen while test-driving several products from Ms. Goop's Paltrow's natural makeup line with Juice Beauty: I did not instantly grow shiny blonde tresses, develop sinewy limbs or get phone calls from kids named after fruit or the ancient leader of Hebrews.

Nor did I try every single one of the 78 antioxidant-rich items made with certified organic ingredients. As Racked previously reported, the makeup collection (officially named Juice Beauty Phyto-Pigments Color) hit in mid-January. And, a new Gwyneth skincare line, another collab with Marin-based Juice Beauty, is set to launch on March 1st.

Instead, for the purposes of this post, I decided to focus on products for the pout. Mostly because I am a self-confessed lipstick junkie and feel infinitely qualified to judge. Seriously, I am the Imelda Marcos of lip gloss.

Here's my report card...

LIQUID LIP

PRICE: $24
NUMBER OF SHADES: 8
GRADE: A-

This high-pigment gloss, which provides the right amount of shine, wasn't sticky (hate that) and felt good on my lips. There was not much of a scent or taste and that's perfectly A-OK in my book. The color lasted through morning coffee and the moisturizing effect lingered for longer. I tried three shades: Kate (light pink), Apple (classic red) and Chelsea (deep purple). As more of a natural-lip kind of girl, I was surprised that my favorite was the darkest hue Chelsea. Kate didn't have enough pigment for my liking, and Apple? She was delicious.

SHEER LIP GLOSS

PRICE: $22
NUMBER OF SHADES: 3
GRADE: B-

Unlike the Liquid Lip, this gloss did have a taste and fragrance that I found a little strange, although not a deal-breaker. Available in three natural hues (Shimmer, Naked and Bikini, the one I tried), the shine is very high and the color sheer and light. For me, the pigment was too subtle; hence my meh attitude. However, the gloss did feel good on my pucker. Plus, I became more enamored when I layered it atop my own matte lipstick for a shot of shiny glam.

LUMINOUS LIP CRAYON

PRICE: $22
NUMBER OF SHADES: 8
GRADE: A

Love these crayons. They're super soft and creamy yet lightweight with a touch of shine. I test-drove three hues: Venice (light pink), Pebble (medium pink) and Zuma (vibrant magenta). Truthfully, I loved them all, far from the norm for a tough customer like moi. The large lipstick-slash-pencil hybrid is easy and fun to use, and I even applied without a mirror, with more than respectable results. The only reason these babies didn't score an A+? One of the crayon points fell off as soon as it touched my kisser. (I know, shit happens).

SATIN LIP CREAM

PRICE: $24
NUMBER OF SHADES: 8
GRADE: B

The most traditional lipstick of the bunch, the Lip Cream glided on easily and was satiny and moisturizing. I swiped a trio of shades including Rosé, (beige-y nude), Napa (classic pink) and Merlot (wine). The lighter colors were OK, but I preferred the Merlot. Generally speaking, the pigments didn't stay put for as long as some of the other products. And once again, I enjoyed the lack of taste and scent. Overall, these sleek silver tubes were perfectly fine, B-student fine.

Bottom line, folks: Gwyneth and Juice Beauty give good lip. Mwah!